A GRAND opportunity for a GOLDEN dinner

Sup homies!

What a fine Sunday evening to get drunk and talk about books!!

I recently received a new cookbook from Blogging for Books and after drinking several whiskeys at my Steelers bar this afternoon, I figured why not make myself something delicious and get further hammered.

Enter The Grand Central Market Cookbook. For all you NOOBS out there, the GCM is this cool ass place in DTLA that has pretty great food and epic lines for said food. It's my go to tourist destination because I feel like it gives a pretty LA vibe, but is still fun to hang out in. I've been to a handful of the venues: Eggslut, Golden Road, Oysters, Mcconnells. It's pretty freakin sweet. And now they have a cookbook! All these places AND MORE feature some delicious sounding stuff.

The book itself is cool, it has everything from breakfast to dessert and tons of fun shit in between. THERE IS A WHOLE SECTION ABOUT SALSAS! And it's well designed, lots of cool pictures and quotes about LA.



So after a bunch of whiskeeeyyyyy on iiiiiice, I decided to make a bomb ass cocktail and some ah-MAH-zing tacos.

The drink comes from the "Courage and Craft" Stall (A-1!!!!!!). They talk about how there are three conventional cocktail families: The Fix, The Buck, and The Maid. I chose the fix which is lemon juice, simple syrup, bourbon (OH HELLO THERE FRIEND), and seasonal fruit. I chose plums??



APPARENTLY what distinguishes THE FIX is that it's served over CRUSHED ICE. Enter MY HAMMER:



The drink was pretty fucking easy to make and VERY delicious (I'm on my second one).



So now it's time for the main course. There was a whole section dedicated to tacos, so it seemed like the best route to take. Golden Road Brewing (STALL A-9!!!!) (They make a big deal about telling you what stall these places are in, but they don't include a map, so it seems pretty fucking stupid to mention the stall. Like, when I'm there, I'm just going to look for the NAME not like oh, I made delicious tacos from that cookbook. The name is escaping me, but I TOTALLY REMEMBER THE STALL NUMBER!) had these CRUNCHY AVOCADO TACOS and while they said they were vegan (nothing dries me up like the word vegan) they looked pretty good and I had some ripe avocados so let's DO THIS SHIT.



They're served with a salsa from the SECTION OF SALSAS! And you know what, I think the salsa was the biggest bitch to make. JUST LOOK AT ALL THESE STEPS:



After making the salsa, it's time to batter, bread, and fry up some avocados. The batter calls for an entire beer, and don't tell anyone, I did not use Golden Road beer. (Sorry guys, I had some rando beers in my fridge that I felt like wasting.) This was not as daunting as I assumed it would be, but at this point, I was pretty drunk:

After that, it was basically just throwing all the shit together and TAH DAH FOOD TIME BITCHES:

They were pretty fucking good. The whole time my face was like this:

Probably cause I was drunk though.

FUCK.


Sorry, I was busy CLEANING UP THE ENTIRE DRINK I SPILLED ON MY COUCH. Does bourbon stain??? Where was I???

Well, I completely lost track of what I was talking about... sooo let's just rank this shit.

Would I talk about this book while drunk? I don't know man. I'll definitely tell the story of ruining my couch. I'm pretty sure I'll talk about the tacos too. They were good. Ten out of ten, would eat again.

Would I recommend this book while drunk? I mean, it's a fine book for a free book. I wouldn't tell anyone to spend their money on it. Just go to the stalls and buy the food instead. The book probably costs more than a cocktail and some tacos. You could probably even get ice cream too. OOoooOooooOOooo ice cream...

Sorry readers, I really lost my stamina after I lost my delicious cocktail to the couch gods. I was hoping tonight would be a double header since I need to talk about Jackson, but that was a major buzzkill. I need to find something to drink before I can even think about another DBR.

JQA MOTHA FUCKAAAAAAS

GOOD EVENING, DEAR READERS!!!

The time is finally upon us to discuss our 6th President, John Quincy Adams. I finished this book a few months ago, but life has been hell and I haven't really had time time to get hammered and write about a book... UNTIL NOW!! Soon, I'll have a lot more time to do this!!!!

So... JQA... I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS.

When I started reading this book, I was NOT. A FAN. I think at one point in the beginning, I even drew a fucking eye roll emoji into the margins of the book. BUT, by the end, I became ENAMORED of JQA and in turn, have not stopped fucking talking about him.

JQA, as we all know, was the son of our second president, John Adams. He was basically groomed to be a great man from the time he was a kid. His father was obvi SUPER busy and so his mother took a huge interest in his education. At one point, she noticed he was lazy and not reading and so she pretended her eyes hurt and made him read to her. BALLER MOVE. She also convinced him to start his diary which he continued throughout his whole life, which was a major asset to our history books. Abagail Adams, once again, proving to be a ride or die bitch.

JQAs early years are the ones I have the most trouble with. I mean, he had a cool ass life, he traveled with his dad to Europe and became an assistant and translator for the Russian minister at fucking FIFTEEN. I was probably still playing with Barbies at fifteen. I didn't speak 200 languages and get a fucking full time job overseas. Not that he really did anything, except read and write in his diary. (SAME.) And then he slowly made his way back, partying and fucking across Europe. But I digress. My issues with him were AFTER these years. Once he returned to the good old US of A, he had his heart set on Harvard. He was basically US royalty because of his dad, but the dean told him to fuck off. AND OMG, WHAT A FUCKING TRAVESTY. POOR LITTLE WHITE BOY CAN'T GO TO HARVARD. The author of this biography literally says that this set him on a path to ALWAYS fight against what's wrong. I believe this is where I drew the eye roll emoji. After a year, he's allowed in and complains that he's smarter than everyone and fucks around.

At this point, I just couldn't. I was like fucking JQA, man, what a privileged little fuck face. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF ENTITLED WHITE MEN. And for a while, he doesn't get any better. He starts a law firm and is all pissed that clients just aren't THROWING themselves at him because his dad is veep. He basically spends his time writing articles about current events.

This impresses Washington and he's appointed to minister to Holland, where he became one of America's best resources for intelligence. He helped set up the Jay Treaty and secured good relations with Britain. BUT he was worried about his job if his father became Washington's successor. Even though France tried to swing the election in TJ's favor (HELLO CORRELATION!), Adams won the presidency and let JQA keep his job.

During all of this he meets his wife, Louisa. And another moment of me wanting to strangle a white man, these words are literally put into print. Louisa was "silent when she needed to be but a good conversationalist when appropriate." GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. I hope this meant she talked constantly and told every man ever to fuck off.

There's also this story where one of the ladies in Germany gave her makeup and she put it on and JQA FLIPPED HIS FUCKING SHIT and forced her to wipe it off and in my notes I wrote "Nevertheless, she persisted." because after several attempts, she wore the shit out of that makeup.

So yeah, at this point, I'm even wondering how I grew to like this asshole. At this point he sounds like some goddamned Bernie bro.

So after his dad lost to TJ, he went back to "TRYING" to be a lawyer. Finally he gave up and decided to run for congress. During his time there he worked hard to get rid of corruption so much that everyone hated him and wanted rid of him. SO, they nominated him for the US Senate. There he made TONS OF FRIENDS. JK LOL. He pissed everyone off there too. Republicans and Federalists could agree on one thing, JQA WAS A FUCKER. He fought everyone on EVERYTHING. No one wanted the Louisiana Purchase, knowing it would stir the shit on the slavery issue. Who pushed a vote? JQA. He even fucking fought his colleagues on wearing signs of mourning. He was referred to as being of "chronic malcontent" read: a dickhead.

Don't get me wrong, he had some achievements in the Senate. He refused to cede 150 miles to Canada and because of that, WE HAVE THE PUGENT SOUND!!!!! WHAT WHAT!!!! He also defended the 1st amendment when that fucker TJ tried to jail a SC justice for having a different opinion than his.

But his Senate career fell to shit when his Non Importation Act passed and shut off trade with Britain and decimated the economy. Again, he went back to "focusing on his law practice." Does his story end here? OF COURSE IT DOESN'T.

He became a minister to Russia under Madison and he was nominated to be on the Supreme Court (he declined). AND JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS MAN ISN'T EVEN CLOSE TO BEING PRESIDENT YET. I NEED ANOTHER WINE.

Okay, I'm back. Where was I? Oh, yeah. So he was a diplomat during the War of 1812, but didn't really have a lot to do. Once that was over, he was appointed a position in London and helped establish peace and favorable trade relations with Britain.

Monroe then appointed him Secretary of State, which back in the day was a big fucking deal. It was considered the "ladder to the presidency." (OH GOD, HOW I WISH THAT WERE STILL TRUE. INSTEAD, THE FUCKING APPRENTICE IS. [I need to be careful what I say. I'm pretty sure they're about to Handmaid's Tale the shit out of America {I just finished that book two hours ago and it scared the shit out of me.}.]) Monroe and JQA worked really well together, and Monroe hoped that JQA would succeed him. But JQA, ALL HIGH AND FUCKING MIGHTY felt that the people should pick the president, not him, so he refused to campaign. This came back to royally bite him in the ass.

During all this time, shit went DOWN with slavery. Spain ceded Florida to the US and with it came the question of whether slavery should be allowed there. JQA was a constitutional law expert (much like any fucking GOPer claims to be these days) and he said that we couldn't abolish it without an amendment, but we could prevent it in new states. While flawed, thus was born the Missouri Compromise.

Jesus Christ, I know, this review is ENDLESS, and he ISN'T EVEN RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT YET. But believe me, the Presidency will take up like, one paragraph.

Monroe won re-election almost unanimously. (People didn't want him to win unanimously, they wanted that honor to only be give ton GDUBS, so someone voted for JQA), but his second term was a wash because he was so concerned with maintaining the "Era of Good Feeling."

Now it's time for the big election! JQA vs. Jackson (vs. Clay vs. 10 million other people). Jackson won the popular vote, but no one got that GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT ELECTORAL COLLEGE. It came down to the House. Clay and Crawford conspired to get JQA elected because they were pretty sure Jackson couldn't even spell his own name. (God, how I wish that's how this past election would have gone. Instead of Trump [who I guess we know can spell his own name cause he fucking writes it on everything, but probably can't spell anything else.]. I wish that those fuckers would have chosen country over party, but as the Monty Python boys always say, "Let's not bicker over who killed who.") Predictably, this did not go over well. Jackson threw a hissy fit and formed a political party who's sole purpose was to prevent JQA from doing anything while president, which, SPOILER ALERT, they succeeded at.

Literally, homeboy spent 4 years reading and writing in his diary. There was this one story about how he went swimming and almost drowned and someone had to save him and pulled him ashore naked and it was SO EMBARRASSING. He also signed this terrible tariff into law, and everyone in the south hated him.

But really, basically EVERYONE hated him. He was "an elite." People were all pissed that a Harvard educated man would tell them how to improve their lives. THEY DIDN'T WANT TO IMPROVE THEIR LIVES. (God, there are so many goddamned correlations to HRC, that it fucking pains me to write this. I HAVE PTSD. I need more wine.)

So, he lost reelection, and returned home. He was elected to congress almost unanimously. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS GOOD. I don't know where this JQA was when he was President, but baby, he was a firework. He decided that, fuck it, he was gonna take on BIG SLAVERY and win. He did everything he could to bring the issue of slavery up in the House. Oh, you're gonna put me on the manufacturing committee? Let me find a fucking obscure way to tie slavery to machinery. Oh, you're gonna issue a gag order? Let me bring some mother fucking women in here to "pray" against slavery. Oh, you're gonna censure me? BISH, I DON'T CARE. He literally took EVERY fucking opportunity to try to abolish slavery. And everyone hated him for it.

(Some other notable shit during this time: he was also the lawyer for the free Africans that were kidnapped aboard the Amistad. He won that trial for them. He was also an advocate for FUCKING SCIENCE. He got the Smithsonian and observatories around America built. He also was the first President to sit for a photograph.)

Back to his fight against slavery. He put in a petition for the North to secede and everyone fucking flipped shit. His argument would end up serving as the basis for the Emancipation fucking Proclamation. At this point, he was even more popular than the President. Dude, even fucking LINCOLN is because of this dude. He was a junior congressman during this time and was inspired by all his ranting and raving. WHERE WAS THIS GUY DURING HIS PRESIDENCY?!?!?

AND THEN, OMG, GUYS, THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING PART. So, Texas annexed from Mexico, tried to join the US and it started a war with Mexico and Britain. JQA has been warning against this shit for years. After years of war, it was finally over, and there was a vote on the floor to thank the generals for their victory. Everyone voted yes. EXCEPT FUCKING JOHN. QUINCY. ADAMS. And as he shouts "NAY," HE FUCKING COLLAPSES AND DIES. THIS GUY WAS SO BADASS THAT HE LITERALLY VOTED AGAINST SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE WAS FOR WITH HIS DYING BREATH. I CAN'T EVEN.

And man, the nation MOURNED. They mourned harder than they did when GDUBS, MISTER FUCKING AMERICA, died. People had finally realized what a stand up dude he was and were sad to lose him as protector of their rights.

Isn't this story incredible?????!??! It starts with some fucking bro that just like, rides on his dad's coat tails and ends up with the guy that basically ended slavery. Well, he started to end slavery. He had mother fucking convictions and he impressed the shit out of me.

(Side note, this is so badly what I want for HRC right now. I know that most people think that after you try for President, it's beneath you to be anything else. But JQA served fucking 18 years as a congressman after being a President, and I would argue that it was the most impressive moments of his life. I'd love to see her destroy on the floor of the House, not giving a fuck, fighting for what's right, and then getting the respect she deserves. But, I digress.)

Let's get down to brass tacks since I've been literally typing for over an hour and I'm much drunker now than when I started. Obviously, I've been talking about this a lot when drunk. I recently went to dinner with friends and spent the entire time talking about JQA. And yes, I'd recommend this book. Unger is a pro, even if his thoughts on women are borderline eye roll.

Now onto Presidential Power Rankings. I'm unsure how to play this. So like, JQA was a shit president. He literally didn't do anything besides write in his diary and almost drown. BUT, after his presidency, he was FUCKING AWESOME. Way more impressive than any of the dopes that came before him. And when I look at the power rankings thus far, I feel way more strongly about him than any of the other top contenders. SO....

1. JQA - While he didn't do anything as President, he's the most impressive man thus far. And if anyone wants to argue this, I have a "DIED VOTING HIS CONSCIOUS" card I can play.

2. Monroe - Still stands up as a good dude.

3. John Adams - JQA Lite. Same Convictions, Less Calories.

4. GDUBS - We'll always have the curtains at Mount Vernon.

5. Madison - Hey, at least you're not Thomas Jefferson.

6. TJ - Listen dude, this is the last time I rank you last. Jackson is up next.

James Monroe: My New Favorite Founding Father

HEEEY GUYYYYS!!!!

I'm coming off of a week long vacation full of wine and books. The first book I tackled during this trip was about our FIFTH PRESIDENT: James Monroe. Of all of the Presidential biographies I've read so far, this dude is by far my favorite. I was crazy captivated about his life, super into the book, rooting for him his whole life, and wishing for more once it was done. I'm even going to buy JQA by the same author because it was so great. So moral of the story: James Monroe - HECK YES!!

So, let's talk about his life. He was born during the French Indian war (which, Unger mentions GDubs started, I already like this guy!). His parents died within a year of one another when he was super young and he was forced to be the man of the house and care for his siblings. (This reminds me of how my dad grew up, so I already have a soft spot for him). He worked hard but had this uncle that was super invested in his development. This dude paid for his college and was v. well connected.

During college, all the shit with the Revolutionary war went down and Monroe went NUTS. He had all that Scottish fire in his blood and was ready to throw down for his country. He ended up dropping out and joining the army, only to get wounded in battle and almost die. He was promoted but couldn't raise troops so had to drop out of serving his country. His uncle convinced him to go back to law school and work for his country on the other side. He interned for TJ and they became BFFAFAFAFAF.

Monroe serves on Congress and becomes a voice for the country. He's never scared to voice his REAL OPINION and throw down when he needs to. The country was kind of a mess and had no way of creating new laws and he was insistent on creating some kind of federal power to protect interests of the country.

One of my major gripes with this dude is how often he got pissed off with government. He'd notice he wasn't making a giant profit (OH HOW DIFFERENT OUR FOUNDING FATHERS WERE FROM THESE ASSHATS WE HAVE IN OFFICE NOW) and bail on government. He'd be all like, "Bros, I gotta quit. I'm gonna go open my law firm." ten hundred times during his career.

But like, he was way too invested. After quitting and Jay blowing up shit with with the Spaniards and the Mississippi river, Monroe got back into the game and fought with his other bros over the constitution. Although he was a Republican, he favored strong central government like a Federalist. It's not that he was like TJ that went wherever the more favorable win blew, but he was open to other's ideas and if someone could convince him his point of view was wrong, he'd concede. MAJOR PROPS to that shit.

He was also in the Senate for a while after the country was formed. Monroe was all about making sure the government was FOR THE PEOPLE. He was super against secrecy rules for voting because he wanted to make sure that the government represented the people.

Monroe was given position as ambassador to France. His rules were to stay neutral but show a preference to France. This was all during the French Revolution which was basically like a giant world war in Europe. Britain and France were taking our ships hostage and imposing a crazy amount of sanctions. Jay was in charge of dealing with the British, but SURPRISE SURPRISE he fucked that up to. France got all pissed off and Monroe was recalled. The country is all up in arms in partisan rancor and Monroe, unable to get reasoning for his being recalled, publishes some SHIT in the papers about his appointment. He's all, "fuck you guys, I did my job and I'll prove it." I love this Scottish asshole!

After all this garbage, Monroe was elected to governor of Virginia. At the time this meant LITERALLY NOTHING. It was basically like shaking hands and kissing babies (gross). But Monroe transitioned this position into what it is today. At first, he used his position of power to speak to issues he felt strongly about. He was super well known and super liked so he was able to get his platform addressed, even though he couldn't vote.

TJ asked him again to deal with France to make the Louisiana Purchase happen and although he was poor as fuck, he said yes. Monroe was ALL ABOUT expanding the west, and he worked super hard in securing this deal with the French. Livingston, the other dude helping, got all pissed off that Monroe got all the credit for the deal. But dude, credit due where credit due. His daughter was friend's with Napoleon's main bitch's daughter and so Napoleon was all about dealing with Monroe. He also basically ignored TJ's price range and got MORE land for more money, but it was super good deal, like less than $2 an acre. So this made Monroe all happy because, last mission to France he was shit on for following orders and someone else ruining his deal. This time he was all, "FUCK YOU, I DO WHAT I WANT." and basically doubled the U.S. and expanded so many industries with this new land. HELLO, JOB CREATOR. (Side note: like the fuck head he is, TJ almost ruined the LP because he wasn't sure the constitution granted him that power. Thank you, Monroe for making sure this happened.)

So, after all this success, TJ sends Monroe to Britain to see if he can work his magic and get the Brits to stop fucking us over with interment for our troops and tons of trade sanctions. Monroe is miserable as fuck, not to mention poor as dirt, but he does it because he is the shit. He has a hard time, is undermined by the President but FINALLY gets a treaty, but TJ ignores it because he's a joke. See, he has all these ideas about Madison succeeding him instead of Monroe, so he fucks over his friend. He's all, fuck you guys, I'm going home. He gives up and just works on his farm for a few years.

KEEP IN MIND, THIS IS ALL BEFORE THIS DUDE IS EVEN PRESIDENT! While, I like Madison because he has a good brain, he was a shit leader. He's definitely the dude behind the scenes. Hella good speech writer, dude should write laws, but leader of the free world, no way. MONROE HAS UPPER MANAGEMENT WRITTEN ALLLLLLLL OVER HIM. He is a leader in every sense of the word.

So back to Monroe's life: Madison is falling apart and having a hard go of it in the Presidency and need Monroe's help. See, dickhead appointed all friends to positions in his cabinet, not people that actually knew what they were doing (dear god, please hold on during 2017, U.S.). After two years of not speaking, Madison BEGS his friend to come on as Secretary of State. Relations with the Brits and the French are deteriorating, but Monroe is able to work with the French. Unable to reach a good place with the Brits, war is declared and HELLO war of 1812. This is a total shit show. Madison tries to make Monroe Secretary of War too, but the people are all HELL NO and Amstrong is put in place. Bitch SUCKS at his job and shit all falls apart because he can't pay attention or listen to others. After Washington burns do to his incompetence, Monroe basically takes the reigns on ALL FRONTS. He doesn't eat or sleep and works his ass off commanding the army. JQA facilitates and treaty and the war is over. None of our demands were met, so hey! Completely pointless war!

The great thing though, is Monroe emerges as a political leader and is basically handed the presidency.

OMG I HAVE BEEN WRITING FOR OVER AN HOUR AND HE IS STILL NOT PRESIDENT YET.

Monroe basically models his presidency off of Gdubs and ushers in the "Era of Good Feelings." He wants to abolish political parties and fill his cabinet with people from all regions that will be his voice of reason throughout his term. Not only did he do that, but he also continued to expand the U.S. borders with acquisitions of Florida and west to the Pacific Ocean and completely getting rid of the debt. There was a small recession in 1819, but the only people that were fucked were the bankers and swindlers (same thing, am I right?).

My one other beef with Monroe was his handling of slavery. While he wasn't as bad as TJ or Madison, blaming the Brits for slavery, he mostly tried to stay out of it. He was a slave owner, but didn't feel that it was right in a moral sense. However, he didn't actively fight it because he didn't feel like the constitution gave him the power to do so. (HOWEVER HOWEVER, this never stopped him before...) Basically he was a giant pussy that wasn't sure how to solve the problem so he left it alone. He did issue the Missouri Compromise which didn't allow slavery in the north, so there's always that?

The biggest thing that Monroe is known for is his doctrine. After other countries like Mexico and Colombia fought for their independence, the U.S. felt it was important to state their place in the world. They were basically like, if you fuck with us, we'll fuck with you back, but if you leave us alone, we're all good, bro. This shit is STILL used today, for good or bad. Talk about a lasting legacy.

So, after all this, Monroe basically fucks over himself by uniting all the people and getting rid of the political parties. Back in the day, people hated each other because they had different ideals. Now they hate each other because of their shitty personalities. All the people in his cabinet fought to get out on top, that they didn't give a shit about helping Monroe. They all turned against him and each other and made him a lame duck president towards the end. In probably one of the most contentious elections, Monroe refused to throw his hat into the race, because he didn't want to persuade for one candidate or the other because he didn't think that was in his power. Jackson won the most votes in both the Electoral College and the popular vote, but because he didn't get a majority, it went to the house and JQA was picked as the sixth president.

After his two terms,  he basically just hung around estate and refused to be involved in politics, particularly due to his crippling debt. He tried to get the government to pay him back but they were dicks about it. Towards the end of his life, his wife died and he lost his shit, hoping to die immediately after, burned all traces of her. Dude died a while later on JULY 4TH! HE WAS THE THIRD PRESIDENT TO DO SO. I'm starting to think assisted suicide was legal back in the day.


So, basically Monroe was awesome as fuck. He did a shit ton in his life, always sacrificing his wellbeing for that of his country. He worked hard overseas to get us in the position we are today. He was a powerful, just leader, but able to work within peaceful parameters when necessary. He created positions for our country that we still believe in today, and he did so without building animosity between parties. Unfortunately, his successors undermined his national unity and submerged us in a civil war, but his  doctrine is still used today whenever and wherever American interests seem threatened, and that is cool as fuck.

Oh! One other thing I need to talk about and then I SWEAR TO GOD I AM DONE. Mrs. Monroe was cool as fuck. While she as basically a child bride, she was SO FUCKING SMART. Unlike most women of the time, she was super educated and hated talking with other women because they were such fucking dumb dumbs. Monroe always struggled with the ladies because he just walked to talk shop, but this bitch was ALL ABOUT IT. They had a couple daughters and the whole family was OBSESSED WITH ONE ANOTHER. They didn't go anywhere alone and just wanted to hang out all the time. I loved that because it reminded me of my own family. Also, Elizabeth went to the jail BY HERSELF to bust Lafayette's wife out, that is some cool ass shit.

 So.... I think we can safely say that Monroe has take the lead in my ULTIMATE PRESIDENT SHOWDOWN. But let's talk about book ratings first.

Would I talk about this book while drunk? Well, I spent the past week talking to my parents about it. It was all, Monroe this, Monroe that. And evidenced by this DBR, I had a lot of shit to say.

Would I recommend this book while drunk? Fuck yeah. Unger is the shit. He has a very conversational tone so the book was super captivating and I blew through it. I immediately looked up to see if he had written any other PB because I was super impressed.

Alright, let's finish this up with some power rankings:

1. MONROE: While I still don't love that he owned slaves, he made no excuses for his abhorrent behavior like SOME OTHER JACKHOLES. Also, he did the most to push our country to greatness, which I really respect. Not only was he a leader in the army, but he also worked well with other countries to further our domestic policy. He seemed like a smart, fiery Scot and I'm happy to have had him as a president.

2. John Adams: I think you had so much potential and I love your accountability, but I'm sorry, you're number two.

3. G DUBS: A mediocre spot for a mediocre president.

4. Madison: Although Lynne Chenney made it seem like you were one BAMF, Unger made it seem like you were a sickly dumbass. (I'm starting to realize that you might have to take each biography with a grain of salt. When you're obsessed with a President and decide to devote a few years to him, you may rewrite history in his favor.) But, you did the best with what you got. 

5. TJ: Last but not least out of all 45. You'll at least have Trump behind you.


ADIOS MUCHAHOS. SEE YOU FOR FOUR YEARS OF JQA!