It's drunk book review time! We're in the presence of another free book from bloggingforbooks.org: Clean Slate, A Cookbook and Guide, Reset Your Health, Detox Your Body, and Feel Your Best.
Side note, I used to work at Martha Stewart's magazine Body + Soul, or Whole Living, which is what it became after I left. There was this 21 day action plan where you basically cut out anything that tastes good, and I had done it then. This cookbook follows that idea, so why not the fuck try it again.
So, this cook book suggests you detox the shit out of your life. There's a 21 day plan wherein the first week you eat only fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, oil and seasonings. The second week you add in fish and gluten free grains. The third week you add in soy and eggs.
My life has been shitty lately. All I've done is work. When I say that, I mean that. I wake up, go to work, leave work, and go to sleep. I hadn't worked out in weeks so when I got this new cookbook in the mail, I decided to take it to heart. A 21 day detox seemed like the best way to get my life in order.
T-minus 1 day: I go to the grocery store and get shit for the first week. These are the recipes I picked out:
Apple Cucumber and Lemon Smoothie (Perfectly Fine)
Coconut Cherry Smoothie (Good!)
Beet, Avocado, and Arugula Salad with Sunflower Seeds (Good!)
Baked Sweet Potato with Greens (Not bad!)
Cauliflower "Rice" Stir Fry with Pumpkin Seeds (Good at first!)
Most of this stuff was super easy to make. The most difficult was the cauliflower rice, but it was really just throwing that into a food processor. Everything was pretty good for the most part. I was basically just eating smoothies and salads so there's not much to report here. I also was working about 15 hour days, so I can barely even remember what food (or anything) was at this point.
People kept asking me how it felt to give up all this shit and detox. Basically coffee is the hardest to give up cold turkey. I obviously missed getting wasted, but I could handle it. Being tired for four days until I got used to not drinking coffee, that was hard. Otherwise, I was so busy at work that by the time I got to eat, I didn't give a fuck what I was eating. That made for an easy detox. The first week flew by!
Second week though, that's where we are now, and clearly I'm drunk. I couldn't take it. I don't know if the food was bad, or it was week two and I just couldn't handle the food any more, but I hard core quit this shit.
Week two, I made:
Cardamom Quinoa Porridge with Pear (FINE.)
Roasted Vegetables with Quinoa (The worst thing I've ever tasted ever, I basically just threw this away every time I tried to eat it)
Buckwheat Noodles, Bok Choy, and Sweet Potatoes in Miso-Lime Broth (I admittedly fucked this up, and it was super terrible. Although, I don't believe this was a good recipe to start with. Did you know there is a such thing as white sweet potatoes?? I didn't, and I accidentally bought them. They're TERRIBLE. They're basically regular potatoes that are slightly sweet. This might have been better, had I used what the recipe called for. I will not blame Martha for this one.)
Black Cod with Herbs, Zucchini, and Whole Wheat Cous Cous (OMG, AM I EATING GARBAGE?!)
This shit was fucking terrible. Nothing I made this week was worth eating and I felt like dying anytime it was time to eat. This is why I quit. Not because I couldn't handle giving things up, like I said, I've done this detox before. No, I couldn't do it because the thought of eating this garbage from week two made me want to kill myself. I basically just threw everything I made this week away. BONUS, it's easy to lose weight when your diet plan is to make garbage and then just throw it away and eat nothing.
I don't know if I'd consider this cookbook a good one. This morning, I made another recipe from it, Fritatta with Spring Vegetables, but I improvised hard. Basically, I think this book is a good base, but if you stick to the recipes, it's garbage.
So would I recommend this book when drunk? No. No I wouldn't. I didn't enjoy anything I made from it. I wanted to vomit while eating most things. I don't think this is something the author of this book strived for.
Have I talked about this book while drunk? WELL THIS IS A TOUGH ONE. I didn't drink while using this book because I WAS ON A FUCKING DETOX. So I guess the answer is no. Had I been able to drink, would I have talked about this book? Well, the world will never know...
Oh, and here are some pictures of the food I made and what I looked like while eating it (not happy):
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