Hey all,
Let's chat about our fourth president, James Madison.
Madison is an alright dude. He's not my favorite of the founder fathers (Hello, John Adams), but he's not the most scumbag either (Yeah, I'm looking at you, Thomas Jefferson.) He's mostly overlooked as some sickly dude, but he accomplished a fuck ton in his life.
Madison came from a decently wealthy family in Virginia. His dad sent him to the super prestigious Princeton for college. However, after Madison blew through the money, his dad told him he couldn't afford to subsidize his life much longer. Madison busted his ass and finished his program in 3 years, but sacrificed his health in the process.
See, Madison had a problem with seizures. He didn't understand why they happened, but when he wasn't taking care of himself, they seemed to pop up. After he basically killed himself to graduate in a shorter time period, he was bedridden for a few years. During this time he read a shit ton about how seizures were the cause of the devil and this affected him for the rest of his life.
Soon after, the Revolutionary War was happening. Madison wanted to join the army, but was afraid that his "sickness" would lead him to hurt himself or others, so he stayed behind and studied everything he could about democracy.
Once the U.S. was on track to become its own nation, Madison was there to draft the constitution. Basically ALL of the good ideas came from him. He would fight people tooth and nail on what he believed was right for the country. It was really remarkable.
He also was responsible for the Bill of Rights. People were so worried about the constitution not covering people's basic rights, that he set out to create a document that did. While, I kind of blame him for this whole bullshit with the second amendment obsession, it's kind of cool he helped reserve people's rights. And what's super cool about the Bill of Rights is how his own experience factored in to it. Madison was super for freedom of religion because of his seizure problems. See, back then (MUCH LIKE NOW), they didn't really understand/believe in science. So, all these Catholic fucks thought that seizures meant you were possessed by the devil. Madison knew this wasn't true and spent his life protecting people from religious persecution (A+!)
Madison was basically the dude behind the scenes throughout his whole life until he became president. He was one of Washington's trusted advisors. Hell, he even wrote Washington's inaugural address. He served in Congress. He also wrote anonymously for the Federalist, especially about John Adams and his abuse of power, and he strived to get TJ elected. He fought against any infringement on what the constitution meant, he dedicated his whole life to protecting it! He also INVENTED the first political party, which completely transformed U.S. politics into what it is today.
He was also the guy behind the scenes of TJ'S presidency. Thomas Jeffesrson was a phony, basically when people think of him, they're ACTUALLY thinking about Madison. They're just too dumb to realize it. Madison was his Secretary of State and responsible for the Louisiana Purchase, something he felt super strongly about since the U.S. was formed. Once T.J. gave up, Madison took over and made sure the administration ran smoothly.
Madison, because of his seizures, never thought that he could be President. He was super embarrassed by them. He also thought he could never have kids. It's why he and Dolley, whom he loved so so much, never had kids. TJ basically forced him into running for President though. It's basically the only good thing that bastard ever did.
Madison was elected President basically during war time. He did everything he could to keep the U.S. from its first war; imposing sanctions, sending diplomats, mediating relations between France and Great Britian, but regardless of his attempts, he was forced to lead the nation during the War of 1812. This basically was his entire administration. (Or at least according to Lynn Cheney, she didn't focus on anything else.) Madison held his ground and refused to concede to either France or Great Britian, despite what many in the country wanted. He knew that this war could prove the strength and power of this new country. Were we to fold to either country, we would never be respected as a world power. But if we were to succeed, no one could fuck with us. One of the saddest things was that he had to deal with the capital being burnt because he had some fucktards in his administration, but overall he was an intelligent, capable wartime president.
After his presidency, Madison returned to Virginia and just like, hung out and wrote letters to people. He was involved, with Jefferson, in the founding of the University of Virginia. He also was really focused on making sure his farm was in order. He stayed interested and involved in politics, sharing his opinion whenever necessary.
Oh, it'd be a shame not to talk about Dolley Madison. While she wasn't a ride or die bitch like Abagail, she seemed cool as fuck. People talked shit about her and slut shamed her, but she didn't care. And, she LOVED James. She hated being away from him, she cared for him during his frequent seizures, and she entertained for him. I wish that she was smarter or more involved in politics, but you can't win em all.
Now, reading all of this, you might wonder, why don't I think highly of Madison? Well, if you read Cheney's book, you might think he's the best of our founding fathers. However, she basically skips over such a MASSIVE part of Madison's life. Madison was from the south, and his whole life, he was a slave owner. And he made no apologies for this. He was of the mindset that the southern economy would collapse without slaves, and so he felt there was no way it could become abolished. Even after his presidency, when the country was discussing ending slavery, this fucking idiot was writing dissertations about how it was impossible to do so, how it would destroy the south and the slaves would never forgive white people. That while it was morally reprehensible, we'd just have to "deal with it." I'm sorry, but FUCK YOU JAMES MADISON. Just because it's HARD for you, doesn't make it right. And also, FUCK YOU LYNNE CHENEY, you can't skip over this fact just because you have a big boner for Madison.
I get it. When you choose to write a 500+ book about a person, you obviously have some bias. But you cCANNOT skip over a major point in history just because it reflects the person you revere in a bad light. Hell, Ellis, who had a massive hard on for TJ, still wrote about his relationship with slavery. He just tried to mansplain that TJ was deep-down against it. But he didn't refuse to acknowledge its existence. I get it, it's ugly. But come on now. It happened. You can't ignore it. (I guess you take after your husband on that front.)
So, I mean, Madison was alright. He's no Barack Obama, but he definitely was a smart ass dude. I feel like when people talk about what a wonderful president Thomas Jefferson was, they really are talking about James Madison. James Madison was behind every great moment in the founding of our country, and any good thing that came out of Thomas Jefferson's presidency. TJ was just a ginger moron with tons of debt that raped his slaves and lied about it. Madison was a brilliant writer, leader, and planner. (Alright, Cheney, I get your bias.)
Would I recommend this book while drunk? No. Lynne Cheney is a terrible writer. This book took me SO LONG to finish, not because I wasn't interested in Madison, but because the style was atrocious. The entire book was just quotes from letters or documents from Madison's life, with very basic introductions by Cheney. I'm sorry, but you quoting shit at me is not you writing a book. And also the fact that she skipped over slavery is unforgivable. There are not a lot of books about Madison, and I made the mistake of trusting The New York Times about this one, but there's got to be a better book about him than this one.
Would I talk about this book while drunk? Yeah. I find that regardless of how the book or president was, I talk about it A LOT. Especially while drunk. Even to myself.
So friends. I think we're at the point that we can rate the presidents in order of their greatness:
1. John Adams (Yeah, I know, the Alien and Sedition acts were super shameful, especially reading about them from other biographer's POVs, but the guy was smart and only had the country's best interest at heart. And he was SURROUNDED BY DOUCHEBAGS.)
2. George Washington (He's been growing on me. Or it could be that he's better than the other half.)
3. James Madison (If only you had freed your slaves, I'd only have eyes for you.)
4. Thomas Jefferson (You're a scumbag and you know it. But! Good news, at least soon you'll be ahead of Andrew Jackson. I literally cannot imagine him being a better President than you.)
AU REVIOR FUCKERS!
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